So here’s a tale I want to share with you. Let me reconstruct the scene. Sunny day, chairs outside in the garden, birds chirping. My sis and I during a heart-to-heart. No, not birds, I made that up.
Her: Why don’t you meet anyone?
Moi: Dunno.
Her: How about dating?
Moi: Yes, I’d love to.
Her: Soooo, how about …
Her (continued): … we sign you up for a dating app? It will be awesome!
Moi: Aah, no thanks, done that, been there, next.
Her: Well, all doom and gloom then?
Moi (defensive): No! That’s not what I am saying! I shall meet people, real men, real life! I am just going to speak with them and ask them out!
Her (encouraging): Ah, well, good, nice effort .. so how’s that going then? How many guys did you speak to?
Moi: Ahem, well, working on it.
Her: Ok, so what does that mean?
I could go on here but that’s what happened: I am working for a company that has a large communal space where not-that-company people can do “hot-desk-ing”. There’s an influx of temp workers who hire a desk for just a day, a week, a month, whatever their business model is. And one of those days, just wrapping up one of those unavoidable meetings corporations we work for command, I saw this guy. Just out of the corner of my eye. He was following me with his eyes getting water from the communal-area-space tap. And I thought, wow, nice, what a long time it has been that I actually thought, this guy is attractive. Like in a handsome, in his 40s, relaxed style, interesting character attractive, and I’d like to talk to him! So after seeing him another and another time in this communal space, I thought, right, I am a grown up woman, let’s ask him out.
Did I do that? No. I chickened out. One time I thought, uh, perfect situation… but, uh, he seems to be in a call. Yes, defo, not a good time! Then the other time he had this sidekick not leaving, so, nooo, you don’t want to humiliate yourself in front of two people! And then, ah, no, not a good time either, he got attention from this very attractive lady in high heels talking to him. That’s the last time I saw him. Never turned up again.
Meeting people in a bar blindly drunk and totally out of it, great! Meeting up with complete strangers who might be someone very different from whom they say they are, because it’s an app, splendid! Approaching someone in real life, experiencing at first hand and getting an immediate impression of how they react to you in person before you actually decide to go for a coffee-drink-whatever-date, impossible! Unheard of!
What exactly is the problem? Approaching someone saying: Hey, you seem to be an interesting person, I like how you look and I like how you carry yourself, and I was wondering if you fancy going for a coffee or a drink.
Maybe s*he isn’t available. Maybe s*he doesn’t have a good day. Maybe s*he doesn’t fancy you. Does it matter? Isn’t it rather about creating the possibility for someone to look you in the eye and say: No, thank you, what a lovely offer to go for a drink, but I already have other plans. How liberating! Keep doing it and one day someone will say: Wow, thanks for this, I’d love to have a coffee with you. When are you available?
So, people, lesson learnt: Life’s too short. Just do it. Don’t hesitate.
Once I find the guts to do that, you’re the first to know.
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